Personal Guidebook to Grief Recovery
Most people find sadness easier to feel and express than anger or fear. Unfortunately, they don't give it the time and attention it deserves because they were told as children to stop crying before they were ready. Life inevitably presents us with a series of disappointments and losses unexpressed sadness and grief can build up inside and ultimately lead to depression. (Many of the people I see in therapy suffer from mild depression, which
At one time the Blessed One was living among the Kurus, at Kammasadamma, a market-town of the Kuru people. There the Blessed One addressed the monks thus Monks, and they replied to him, Venerable Sir. And the Blessed One spoke as follows This is the sole way, monks, for the purification of beings, for the overcoming of sorrow and lamentation, for the destroying of pain and grief, for reaching the right path, for the realisation of Nibbana, namely the Four Foundations of Mindfulness. What are the four Herein (in this teaching) a monk dwells practising body-contemplation on the body, ardent, clearly comprehending and mindful, having overcome covetousness and grief concerning the world he dwells practising feeling-contemplation on feelings, ardent, clearly comprehending and mindful, having overcome covetousness and grief concerning the world he dwells practising mind-contemplation on the mind, ardent, clearly comprehending and mindful, having ovrecome covetousness and...
Although you can't necessarily identify your story, you may be painfully aware of how powerful emotions like anger, fear, longing, grief, jealousy, and desire cloud your mind, torment your heart, and cause you to act in ways you later regret. Initially, meditation won't get rid of these emotions, but it will teach you how to focus and calm your mind and prevent them from distracting you. If you want, you can then use meditation to help you observe these emotions as they arise without avoiding or suppressing them. Over time, you can develop penetrating insight into the nature of these emotions and their connection to the underlying stories that keep generating them and ultimately you can investigate these stories and even dismantle them entirely. (For more on meditating with challenging emotions, see Chapter 11.)
Life had certainly dealt Mary a full hand of challenges. She reported being sexually abused as a child by her father and a close family friend. Her marriage had been a long-standing challenge, but despite its stressful nature, she was able to maintain it. Two of her four children had congenital growth disorders, received growth hormone treatment, and were now at risk of developing the fatal Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD) from contaminated hormone batches. She joined a CJD society, received their typically depressing newsletters, and generously volunteered to counsel other affected families but, of course, worried whether her kids would be next on the list to die. As if this was not enough, in the preceding 4 years she had been injured in two motor vehicle accidents, suppressed her grief while she supported family and friends through the deaths of several people to whom she had been close and reluctantly but dutifully nursed her father (who she said she hated because of his having...
Spark of divinity shines in their hearts, they often experience themselves to be painfully separate from God. As the anonymous author of the mystical Christian text The Cloud of Unknowing puts it, The person who has a deep experience of himself existing far apart from God feels the most acute sorrow. Any other grief seems trivial in comparison. Through contemplation, mantra recitation (see the section Mantra Invoking the Divine in every moment later in this chapter), chanting, selfless service, and other devotional practices, devotees seek to get closer to God by focusing all of their love and attention on God and ultimately, if they're mystically inclined, to merge with God completely in a state of ecstatic union.
Life experiences are connected to prior life experiences with a similar emotional tone. When we suffer grief or loss, these experiences are understood in the light of previous losses, and amplified by them. When something wonderful happens, these experiences are also enhanced or muffled by what has gone on before. You can learn about how your life story filters current experience through the lens of the past by building a memory bridge between significant present events and past events that evoke a strong response. To do this, first notice an event that either is significant in itself or one that evoked a stronger response than you would have expected. Be with these feelings and focus on the felt sense. Then let memories emerge that are connected to the present experience. Note the passive quality in the word let. Rather than trying to figure things out, you want to let connections emerge. The connection between memories may not always be apparent logically, but they are connected...
W Parable of the arrow smeared thickly with poison 'It is as if a man had been wounded by an arrow thickly smeared with poison, and his friends and kinsmen were to get a surgeon to heal him, and he were to say, I will not have this arrow pulled out until I know by what man I was wounded, whether he is of the warrior caste, or a brahmin, or of the agricultural, or the lowest caste. Or if he were to say, I will not have this arrow pulled out until I know of what name of family the man is - or whether he is tall, or short or of middle height Before knowing all this, that man would die. Similarly, it is not on the view that the world is eternal, that it is finite, that body and soul are distinct, or that the Buddha exists after death that a religious life depends. Whether these views or their opposites are held, there is still rebirth, there is old age, there is death, and grief, lamentation, suffering, sorrow, and despair. I have not spoken to these views because they do not conduce to...
Beings in Hell or Naraka are suffering torments petas also as beings condemned to suffering, are in misery. Animals, such as, buffaloes, cattle, goats, pigs, fowls, birds and so on, are also in a state of suffering. Among human beings, some are subjected to persistent ill-treatment by those who have the upper hand. Some are afflicted with various kinds of diseases, while some are undergoing hardships and are in a miserable state. Some are physically and mentally distressed being at loggerheads with one another among themselves, whereas some are greatly depressed because of dotage, sickness and death. Some are bereaved and lamenting due to loss of their dear and beloved ones. Some are in trouble for having lost their business deals, or for destruction of their wealth or property. Some are ridden with grief for being separated from their loved ones. Among Devas also, some are in misery because of their insatiable desires. On the eve of their death when ill omens of their next existence...
The seventh day, do it after three months and one year. Some people do believe that the spirit of the dead would return during these specific times. But whether or not we believe in this is not important. A sensible religious service in memory of the dead where friends and relatives gather to share a spiritual experience and to give moral support to reduce the grief of the bereaved family is ennobling. But there is no necessity to insist that the service must be held on a specific date. Any date convenient to all concerned should be acceptable for the performance of the service.
It is clear from the results presented in Sue's case that a more complete resolution of her physical pain was obtained only after her acceptance of the role of unresolved emotional pain, including past anxiety and grief, and after developing the ability to regulate and express this pain directly in empowering ways that connected her more deeply and positively with herself and others. Hypnosis may be one of the more valuable tools that can assist in such a complex process, providing flexibility and fluidity where there has been constriction and rigidity, focus and integration where there has been either fragmentation or flooding from overwhelming negative sensation, and the opportunity for restorative, healing relationships that build on creative strengths rather than pathology and pain.
Albert Einstein seems to have appreciated this universal human equation, for his mental reach extended to regions beyond the abstractions of mathematics. Consider the following sentences in a letter he wrote to a bereaved father. The recipient was a rabbi whose grieving daughter had become inconsolable after her sister had died.
There are many methods of interpreting and helping the patient to reframe negative life events. Metaphors are one of those methods. This is an example of what I refer to as trauma metaphors. This type of metaphor may be useful with victims of incest, grief, divorce, and other types of past trauma. This particular metaphor is even more useful with a patient who is also kinesthetic.
Should the patient visualize events that are totally inconsistent with reality, a gentle effort is made to direct his imagery to a more realistic circumstance. Where multiple interpretations of events are possible the patient is directed to the more favorable alternatives. If the spouse is visualized as being overwhelmed with grief or emotion it is suggested that it is helpful for a person to express these feelings rather than keep them locked within.
In one of the texts found in the Zhang-zhung Nyan-gyud collection, the Bon ma nub-pa 'i gtan-tshigs, the Reason why the Bon Teaching did not Decline, 72 the story is told of how the Tibetan king Trisong Detsan conspired to arrange for the assassination of Ligmigya, the last native king of independent Zhang-zhung, at the time when the latter departed from his castle of Khyung Dzong. the Garuda castle , on the shores of the Dang-ra lake in Northern Tibet. 73 This account goes on to say that Khyungza Tsogyalma, the chief queen of the murdered Zhang-zhung king, craved revenge and commissioned Gyerpung Nangzher Lodpo to dispatch a Tswo (btswo) or golden magical missile against the Tibetan king who was residing in his castle of Chyingwa in the Yarlung valley. 74 Becoming thus afflicted by an incurable illness, the king repented his evil actions and besought Gyerpungpa not to take his life. In gratitude, the king agreed to suspend the persecution of the followers of Gyerpungpa and not to...
In the case of the first four persons an antipathetic person is one who does not do what is beneficial for oneself or for those one cares for, and an enemy is one who does what is detrimental to oneself and to those one cares for. In either case they are difficult to develop lovingkindness to in the beginning as anger may arise towards them. Also it is hard in the beginning to develop lovingkindness towards a person who you are indifferent to. In the case of a person who you love a lot then you may be too attached to that person and even cry and be filled with concern and grief if you hear that something has happened to them. So these first four should not be used as objects for the development of lovingkindness in the initial stages, but later when you have attained jhana you can then use them, and you will find that you can develop lovingkindness towards them.
In contrast with CBT, interpersonal therapy (IPT Klerman, Weissman, Roun-saville, & Chevron, 1984) addresses conflicts and problems in interpersonal relationships, rather than distorted cognitions, and targets the areas of interpersonal disputes, unresolved grief, role transitions, and interpersonal deficits (e.g., lack of empathy and or social skills). Interpersonal therapy was developed as a treatment for major depressive disorder and has been shown to be a promising approach in two randomized controlled trials (Weissman et al., 1979 Elkin et al., 1989), which also indicate that IPT can have a salutary effect in cases of treatment-resistant depression when combined with antidepressant medication.
The fire of hell in this world is hotter than that of any possible hell in the world-beyond. There is no fire equal to anger, lust or greed and ignorance. According to the Buddha, we are burning from eleven kinds of physical pain and mental agony lust, hatred, illusion, sickness, decay, death, worry, lamentation, pain (physical and mental), melancholy and grief. People can burn the entire world with some of these fires of mental discord. From a Buddhist point of view, the easiest way to define hell and heaven is that wherever there is more suffering, either in this world or any other plane, that place is a hell to those who suffer. And where there is more pleasure or happiness, either in this world or any other plane of existence, that place is a heaven to those who enjoy their worldly life in that particular place. However, as the human realm
Through birth are conditioned decay, death, sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief and despair. The next link in this chain of Dependent Origination is that Becoming conditions the arising of Birth. And finally, dependent on Birth arise Decay and Death, followed by Sorrow, Lamentation, Pain, Grief and Despair.
No such caveat can ensure that only perfect beings inhabit each sangha, the community of Zen practitioners. Lay students of meditation are neither perfect nor content, and totally happy campers are rare. Most are younger searchers, still immature, and beset by the turmoil of a stressful urban society. All too soon, the afterglow fades from each hard-sought experience, exposing anew the raw imperfections of self within the imperfect everyday world. When concentration slips, as it does, the burden of these dual imperfections returns, and it soon leads to marked feelings of disenchantment. Few monks and lay sangha members in any century will approach the same stage of supreme ongoing enlightenment as did the historical Buddha. The rest will be reminded of the ancient truth predicted in Ecclesiastes, that in much wisdom is much grief and those who increase knowledge increase sorrow.
(2) Next, we choose someone who mistreated us. With low self-esteem, we blamed ourselves and silently redirected our anger inwardly. Later, our suppressed feelings might have manifested in hysterical crying or self-destructive behavior. The person could not understand our conduct and felt helpless and dismayed. He or she may even have lashed out and told us to stop being stupid. We regret the frustration and grief that our internalized rage has caused us both. Relaxing our self-recriminating anger, we try to let go of our dualistic feeling of a seemingly concrete guilty me and a seemingly concrete you who might abandon me if I said anything about the incident. Deconstructing like this, we find mirror-like awareness of what happened between us, and reality awareness that it was like this and not like that. The calmness and clarity this discovery grants allows us to stop dwelling on blame and to find a solution.
Whilst metta must not be mistaken for attachment, karuna must be distinguished from sadness or grief. The thing that makes us sure is a strong and firm mindfulness that keeps the quaking mind strong and determined. So here we will find a heavier, yet stronger, emotion. And to balance it and make it lighter, we ought to remember to nurture softer and lighter tones of mental states while we are developing the concentration of karuna. For a start, it should not be anyone too close - which could cause grief. It should not be a hostile one that we could even be glad about it The opposite sex and the dead are also not suitable. We are advised not to consider whether the person is dear, neutral or hostile. Instead we ought to choose one who we can clearly see as suffering.
However, the psychoanalytic domination of traumatology was ended in 1944 when Eric Lindemann wrote his classic paper on the symptomatology and management of acute grief (Lindemann, 1944 94 ). He described the now-familiar symptoms of PTSD in his study of the aftermath of the Coconut Grove Night Club fire, in which hundreds of people were killed or badly wounded. He saw people who were agitated, restless, pacing, experiencing a sense of unreality, somatic discomfort, and intrusive recollections of the fire. He classified them into three groups (a) people who had extreme symptoms hyperactive, restless, unable to sleep, some became psychotic (b) people who were acutely agitated and went through a very difficult period of adjustment but then recovered (c) those who acted as through nothing had happened. An example of this last group is a man whose wife had been killed and the next day he went to work and said 'well she would want me to go on with things and I should just go on'. Lindemann...
The emotions tend to shade into each other more gradually than do the senses it is hard to put a clear line between a pleasure and happiness in the way that we can distinguish touch and pain, for example. But the principles we have seen above in the senses continue to hold in the sphere of the emotions. Whether we consider love, liking, excitement, pleasure, happiness, or fear, anger, grief, guilt, depression or any other shade of feeling, it is true that they can be induced or suppressed or altered in quality.
This is the only way, monks, for the purification of beings, for the overcoming of sorrow and lamentation, for the destruction of suffering and grief, for reaching the right path, for the attainment of Nibbana. namely the four Foundations of Mindfulness. What are the four Herein (in this teaching) a monk lives contemplating the body in the body ardent, clearly comprehending and mindful, having overcome, in this world, covetousness and grief he lives contemplating feelings in feelings, ardent, clearly comprehending and mindful, having overcome, in this world, covetousness and grief he lives contemplating consciousness in consciousness,2 ardent, clearly comprehending and mindful, having overcome, in this world, covetousness and grief he lives contemplating mental objects in mental objects,2 ardent, clearly comprehending, having overcome, in this world, covetousness and grief.
In other cases, in which an emotional change is involved, it may well be that the questions and answers involved in the diagnostic and planning stages will themselves begin to activate emotional systems, such as suppressed grief. In that case, also, it may be that little extra work is needed, and the session may again look like a session of psychotherapy.
As a final step in the first phase of the exercise, then, we recall experiencing an unsettling emotion that suddenly arose. If our recollection causes us to feel something now, we apply the wave method as above. It is important to remember that we are not trying to wipe out all emotions. Feeling grief at the loss of a loved one, for example, is a healthy component of the natural healing process. Turmoil, however, is never helpful. If we are unable to feel something now, we may apply the method to any anxiety or emptiness we may experience dualistically at feeling nothing.
The Buddha taught that there are three kinds of suffering. The first is the most obvious that is, painful experiences that are easy to acknowledge as painful. These include being sick, having physical pain, and being in a state of grief or rage. Despite their directness, these kinds of pain can still be quite difficult to look at. Seeing clearly the extent of this kind of suffering is not the same as being depressed or enraged. As the poet William Butler Yeats said, We are fastened to a dying animal. Just to be in a body implies physical suffering, at least some of the time. It means inevitable decay, aging, sickness, and death, whether we want that or not. We don't
Then inhale again, and establish a connection between the nose and lungs. The negative energy of the lungs can take the form of sadness, grief, and depression, but can be represented by other sensations that you do not like. When you are sad, you can have a sense of being down, collapsed, deflated, and low in energy. Sadness or any negative energy in the lungs can be gray, cold, musty, or salty. Spiral and breathe out the sadness and any other energy you do not like from the lungs. Bring it to the lungs' collection point.(Fig.4.6)
Among the negative changes, there are the obvious traumatic events, such as the death of a spouse, parent, child, or other loved one the unexpected and undesired divorce the major health problem. These are difficult passages, requiring time, patience, and a lot of support from others. We are thrown out of rhythm and balance. And indeed it would be strange and unnatural if death or major loss did not affect us deeply. For a time, life is empty and pointless. But as time passes, we resume our lives and go on. As we move through our grief, we begin to heal and gradually we are able to return to center. Eventually we integrate the loss and function again, though we remain changed by the experience.
The deterioration of physical health is the result of the unfavourable environment and your anxiousness to see your family. You should not worry about your health only. Instead, you should be concerned about the grief that has arisen due to your unfavourable environment and homesickness. If you keep on worrying about the unfavourable environment and the unreachable home, you are in fact torturing yourself more, and it will be impossible for your health to recover. Your should consider, can your grief and worry help to change your unfavourable environment and reunite your family Of course it cannot. And in actual fact it will only worsen your health. Therefore it is useless for you to worry. By practising the teachings of the Buddha, we should learn to look from a wider and higher perspective. By understanding and developing faith in the Dharma, we should learn to let go our worthless worries. It is true that you are facing an unfavourable environment. However, if you do not compare...
The first phase of this internal absorption was a sudden plunge into the depths. There was no time to test the water with a toe. First came one kind of dropping off of body and mind. Next, its total opposite the fullest awareness possible. The two phases of the meditator's situation during such moments have been aptly described as follows How long a time has passed he does not know. Suddenly he comes back to himself, and feels as if he were at the bottom of the fathomless depths of the sea. All is silent. All is dark. Was he asleep No, his mind is wide awake. An internal strength seems to be welling up within him No joy. No grief. Whether it is night or day, he does not know. 2
Always take the false for the true, abandoning Enlightenment to merge with the dusts, resigned to wandering aimlessly in the cycle of affliction and grief. There is no greater shame than this We should therefore try our utmost to cultivate singlemindedly until death, seeking to escape Birth and death. Let us abandon mundane thoughts filled with affliction, so that we may be spared wallowing for many lifetimes in the river of delusion and the ocean of suffering
One day a woman came to see the Buddha (the great spiritual teacher who lived several thousand years ago in India) with her dead child in her arms. Grief-stricken, she had wandered from place to place, asking people for medicine to restore him to life. As a last resort, she asked the Buddha if he could help her. Yes, he said, but you must first bring me some mustard seed from a house in which there has never been a death.
Or seeing a visible object with the eye, he apprehends neither the signs nor the particulars through which, if he left the eye faculty unguarded, evil and unprofitable states of covetousness and grief might invade him, he enters upon the way of its restraint, he guards the eye faculty, undertakes the restraints of the eye faculty. On hearing a sound with the ear. On smelling an odour with the nose. On tasting a flavour with the tongue. On touching a tangible object with the body. On cognizing a mental object with the mind, he apprehends neither the signs nor the particulars through which, if he left the mind faculty unguarded, evil and unprofitable states of covetousness and grief might invade him, he enters upon the way of its restraints, he guards the mind faculty, undertakes
Amidst the darkness, feelings of fear and grief often engender illusions. We may either see nothing or perceive incorrectly. We may assume a rope as a snake or mistake a shadow as a human body or are headed in a wrong direction. mother. If one who purportedly practises Buddhism still immerses oneself in deep feelings of grief and anguish, this must reflect the fact that the inner self still lacks true faith, and that right understanding of Dharma has not yet been developed. Therefore, such a one has not yet received the light of compassion from the Buddha.
The good news, as I mention earlier in this chapter, is that people have been climbing this mountain for thousands of years, and they've crafted tools and fashioned maps for traversing the terrain as smoothly and painlessly as possible. For example, if powerful emotions like anger, fear, sadness, or grief sweep through your meditation and make it difficult for you to stay present, you can draw on techniques for loosening their grip. (For guidelines on meditating with challenging emotions and habitual patterns, see Chapter 11.) Or if you encounter some of the common obstacles and roadside distractions on the path of meditation, such as sleepiness, restlessness, rapture, or doubt, you can count on time-honored methods for moving beyond them so you can continue on your way.
The Buddha says humans create everything. All our grief, perils and misfortunes are of our own creation. We spring from no other source than our own imperfections of heart and mind. We are the results of our good and bad actions committed in the past under the influence of greed and delusion. And since we ourselves brought them into being, it is within our power to overcome bad effects and cultivate good natures.
In the Four Noble Truths, Buddha Shakyamuni taught that attachment to self is the root cause of suffering 'From craving attachment springs grief, From craving springs fear For him who is wholly free from craving, There is no grief, much less fear.' (Dhammapada Sutra.) Hua xxx
The result of all of the above problems is dukkha (pain), both physical and mental. The symptoms and conditions of dukkha are many and varied. It comes in many forms sorrow, sadness, dissatisfaction, grief, lamentation, tears, frustration, pain, misery, agony, and more. There are Pali terms for all of these, but what we call them isn't important. We needn't know all of their names, yet we ought to know how these things really feel when we experience them. To begin with, you must know them inside yourselves. All of these are roga, the symptoms of roga, and the results of the roga which we have caught.
There is far less grief and far less crying when a dying person or an onlooker of the death process has a deep conviction that there are other realms besides the human one. They expect, after death, either to be reborn instantly as a human or else to take birth on one of these other realms, perhaps later to be born on earth once again. When this view is present then death is not seen as the great catastrophe it is not seen as the end but rather as a change. Even parting from loved ones is not seen as final, for there is the conviction that somehow, at some time, they will meet again.
There is no fire equal to anger, lust, greed or ignorance. According to the Buddha, we are burning from eleven kinds of physical pain and mental agony lust, hatred, illusion, sickness, decay, death, worry, lamentation, pain (physical and mental), melancholy and grief. People can burn the entire world with some of these fires of mental discord. From a Buddhist point of view, the easiest way to define hell and heaven is that wherever there is more suffering, either in this world or any other plane, that place is hell to those who suffer. And where there is more pleasure or happiness, either in this world or any other plane of existence, that place is heaven to those who enjoy their worldly life in that particular place. However, as the human realm is a mixture of both pain and happiness, human beings experience both pain and happiness and will be able to realise the real nature of life. But on many other planes of existence, inhabitants have less chance for this...
W Fire was often the theme of the Buddha's sermons. In one sermon, he spoke of the world aflame, of all men on fire with passion, hatred, infatuation, birth, old age, sorrow, grief and despair. He explained that all are blinded by these flames and that when men understand the holy way the fire will be extinguished within them that they will no longer be blinded by the attractions of the flame and will be free of the fires of passion and desire. In a parable the Buddha told a story of the affection between an old man and a hare. When the old man was starving, the hare threw himself into the flames that his body might supply food for his friend. Transformed, he became a vision of the Buddha the old man then realized that within the small body of the hare lived the unselfish spirit of the Buddha. B. Smith Japan 58
Power forces all obstructions out of his path, and no matter what may come to him in the form of grief or disaster he never turns his eyes from his goal. He could easily be persuaded to do good, but not so could he be tempted to do anything contrary to his lofty principles. He will be as soft as a flower or as firm as a rock, as occasion demands.
Treatment employing hypnosis is now seen as involving not merely abreaction of traumatic memories, but working through them by assisting with the management of uncomfortable affect, enhancing the patient's control over them, and enabling him to cognitively restructure their meaning (Spiegel & Spiegel, 1978 Spiegel, 1981, 1992, 1997). Catharsis is a beginning, but it is not an end in itself, and can lead to retraumatization if the catharsis is not accompanied by support in managing affective response, control over the accessing of memories, and working them through. A grief work model (Lindemann 1944 94 ) is useful. Observations of normal grief after trauma have led to a recognition that a certain amount of emotional discomfort and physical restlessness and hyperarousal is a natural, and indeed necessary, part of acknowledging, bearing, and putting into perspective traumatic memories (Spiegel, 1986 Spiegel & Cardena, 1990). This is often facilitated by using a hypnotic imaging...
Part of the risk of love is the potential pain of loss. If the rewards of love weren't so great, few would hazard such a gamble. Indeed, heartbreak is as much a part of the human experience as love. Where there is light, darkness lurks. Where there is passion, shattered dreams ring the edges like thorns on a rosebush. Rumi felt loss several times in his life he knew what misery and sorrow felt like. His homeland, the city of his birth, was razed to the ground by the Mongols. His first wife, whom he loved dearly, passed away before him. His best friend, Shamsuddin of Tabriz, left him, returned, and then mysteriously disappeared. Rumi felt the pain of separation and loss in each of these instances. Let's explore poems that Rumi penned dealing with the subject of grief over lost love.
Days of life but also he dies with dignity. The family looking on also benefits from the presence of the hospice movement for they too are encouraged to come to terms with their own feelings about death and dying. Those feelings particularly include the grief associated with the tragedy that has suddenly hit the family as well as the grief at the forthcoming loss of the loved one. By facing up to these feelings, much of the grief is discharged before the person dies, thus making the death, the funeral and the subsequent loneliness easier to handle.
Perhaps these women experience the grief syndrome before the loss of the fetus, so that when the abortion is done the whole experience is finished. Many find a deeper sense of self, even deeper respect for life, looking forward to pregnancy in the future when the time is more appropriate. It is as if a force beyond their own comprehension understands their grief, their sorrow, and their desperation. Instead of potential tragedy, this process becomes a healing experience in their lives.
e key to an understanding of Vajrayana methodology per se is an understanding of the emptiness of all things. All phenomena (dharmas) are nothing in themselves. ey are what they are insofar as they are conceived of by the mind. Let me refer to two examples from the eravada tradition to illustrate this point of the emptiness, or neutrality, of all phenomena. In the Discourse of the Water Snake, Alagaddupama Sutta, the Buddha likens all phenomena to a water-snake and to a raft. He says that someone who is skilled at handling a water-snake can capture and handle it without coming to grief, but someone who is not skilled will come to grief if he tries to capture one. He also says that phenomena are like a raft, in that we do not need to hold onto them, just as we do not need to hold onto a raft once we have crossed a river. e Buddha's discourse expresses very brilliantly and succinctly the emptiness and neutrality of phenomena. All phenomena are neither this nor that. ey are neutral,...
Him, and he were to say, I will not have this arrow pulled out until I know by what man I was wounded, whether he is of the warrior caste, or a brahmin, or of the agricultural, or the lowest caste. Or if he were to say, I will not have this arrow pulled out until I know of what name of family the man is - or whether he is tall, or short or of middle height . Before knowing all this, the man would die. Similarly, it is not on the view that the world is eternal, that it is finite, that body and soul are distinct, or that the Buddha exists after death that a religious life depends. Whether these views or their opposites are held, there is still rebirth, there is old age, there is death, and grief, lamentation, suffering, sorrow, and despair. I have not spoken to these views because they do not conduce to an absence of passion, to tranquility, and Nirvana. And what have I explained Suffering have I explained, the cause of suffering, the destruction of suffering, and the path that leads to...
At times, while trying to practise compassion and pity, we are deceived by soka (grief for despair), like, for instance, the case of 'mercy killing'. Instead of practising upekkha, we are overcome by soka, to commit murder through mercy. Here upekkha should have been exercised instead. Maybe it happens because the substitute for despair is not known. Compassion and mercy
It may also be defined as the extinction of lust, hatred and ignorance, The whole world is in flames, says the Buddha. By what fire is it kindled By the fire of lust, hatred and ignorance, by the fire of birth, old age, death, pain, lamentation, sorrow, grief and despair it is kindled.
Secondly, when a Pure Land practitioner sees his strength ebbing, he should settle all his worldly affairs, so that he will not be preoccupied at the time of death. If he is a monk, he should turn over the affairs of the temple to his disciples and designate his successor. If he is a layman, he should divide his wealth and property in a suitable manner and make all other necessary arrangements. He should also instruct his family and relatives that should he be gravely ill or on the verge of death, they should not weep and lament or otherwise show their grief. Rather, if they care for him, they should calmly recite the Buddha's name on his behalf, or assist him in other ways to achieve rebirth in the Pure Land. This would be true concern and love.
Tte Buddha replied Yes, O great king, I went there. I saw a serpent there and showed it to Ven. Ananda. This farmer took hold of that serpent with no regard for my advice and has got into difficulties. What I referred to as a serpent was the bundle of gold coins. Money is like a serpent. Many people get into difficulties and come to grief because of money. This man is not a thief. He is innocent. But because he touched a bundle of gold coins which was a stolen thing belonging to others he was reduced to this state. The Buddha delivered a sermon about the incident. The farmer was freed on the evidence of the Buddha. Besides, the farmer attained Stream-winner status (Sotapatti).
How long should a body be kept before burial or cremation We who live in a hot and humid climate should understand that decomposition takes place very fast and that it is unhygienic to keep a body for far too long. Besides, it would impose a great strain on the relatives of the deceased in having to bear with the proximity of the corpse for a period longer than is really necessary. Also certain mourners out of sheer emotional grief tend to kiss the body and touch it excessively. is is understandable given the strong emotional feelings that people have to bear, but it should not be overdone or encouraged. While one cannot dictate exactly as to how long a body should be kept, it is wise not to unnecessarily prolong the rites. As a general rule it seems most practical to allow a lapse of about a day or two for funeral arrangements to be made and for friends or relatives to be informed.
Although this method may be used in nonhypnotic therapy as Pennebaker has , it may also be used following hypnotic induction and deepening. The hypnotized client is instructed to imagine writing a letter to a specific person or about a specific topic. Naturally, the content and topic of the letter depend on the nature of the problem. For example, a grieving patient who has been angry and blaming God for years for the death of a loved one may be asked to write a letter about her feelings. The goal may be to vent and defuse the anger and come to an acceptance of the situation. The client may imagine writing the letter, verbalizing what is being mentally written as it's written. A deeper trance subject may actually write the letter in trance through the technique of automatic writing. Before the client is assigned the task of writing the letter, the therapist may seed ideas about emotionally letting go of the loved one, accepting the loss, obtaining a relief of her burden, letting go of...
Psychotherapists have a wrong idea about sickness, handicaps, and death. They tend to overemphasize the matter of adjustment to illness, handicaps, and death. There is a lot of hogwash going around about assisting families in grieving. I think you ought to bear in mind that the day you are born is the day you start dying. And some are more efficient than others and don't waste a lot of time dying, and there are others who wait a long time.
Contemplation, has to practice the four foundations of mindfulness, as these have been called by the Buddha the only way that leads to the attainment of purity, to the overcoming of sorrow and lamentation, to the end of pain and grief, to the entering upon the right path and the realization of Nibb na. 1
And what is suffering You already know, I think, the very well known Dhammacakkapavattana Sutta, the first sermon preached by the Buddha in which he expounds the Four Noble Truths - Suffering, the Cause of Suffering, the Cessation of Suffering and the Way Leading to the Cessation of Suffering. In Paticcasamuppada suffering is also explained, where it is shown that suffering is together with jati, the Pali word for birth. Birth is suffering. Consider your own birth, how difficult it was, what a dreadful state in a mother's womb as a foetus to begin with a tiny spot, so tiny that no magnifying glass would help to identify it, then gradually developing, in some cases for seven months, in some for eight, nine months in a mother's womb that is suffering. If you were to live in a house say twenty feet wide by twenty feet long, you may so, 'Oh What a very narrow house, very narrow'. It would not be very comfortable and you would not be regarded as a very rich person if you had to live within...
With the abandoning of pleasure and pain, and with the previous disappearance of joy and grief, he enters and dwells in the fourth jhana, which has neither-pain-nor-pleasure and has purity of mindfulness due to equanimity.2 (Wr. tr.). There are four conditions, friend, for the attainment of the neither-painful-nor-pleasant mind-deliverance. Here, friend, with the abandoning of pleasure and pain and with the previous disappearance of joy and grief a bhikkhu enters and dwells in the fourth jhana These are the four conditions for the attainment of the neither-painful-nor-pleasant mind-deliverance.1 the abandoning of pleasure the abandoning of pain the disappearance of joy and the disappearance of grief. We see from the formula that the attainment of the fourth jhana presupposes the prior abandonment of dukkha or pain. Like the word sukha the word dukkha has, besides its broader philosophical meaning dealt with in the Four Noble Truths, a twofold meaning in relation to feelings on the one...
Next, Chris induced somnambulism with Uri Blumenthal who laid side by side next to John Hilder with the intention of beginning of healing work. I (KJ) turned on a light to be able to see reactions better and notice again REM in all three subjects clearly. Next was the joining of Chris and I (KJ) to actively add energy to facilitate the adding of additional energy to the mix. Chris joined with Dave and Craig. I (KJ) joined with John and Uri. My experience was immediate depth of trance and movement of eyes under closed eyelids. Perceptible tingling of hand where joined with John as though some energy flow was occurring. What seemed like five minutes I was tapped on the shoulder indicating completion of this phase of testing had actually been 15 minutes. After we emerged from trance we proceeded to emerge the others from their states. Dave emerged looking somewhat disoriented and took a minute before getting out of the chair. he explained some interesting experience that he was not able...
According to the explanation in the Visuddhimagga, a meditator who aspires to this knowledge must first have attained the divine eye, the faculty of supernormal vision (to be explained below). He should use the light-kasina to extend light, radiating it into the physical hearts of the people whose minds he wishes to understand. With his divine eye he should then examine the color of the heart, on the basis of which he can interpret the state of mind. The procedure is based on the belief that there is an immediate correspondence between the color of the blood and the state of consciousness. According to Buddhaghosa, when a joyous state of mind is present the blood is red like banyan fruit, when a state accompanied by grief is present the blood is black like rose-apple fruit, and when a state accompanied by serenity is present the blood is clear like sesamum oil.2 Thus by perceiving with the divine eye the color of the blood the yogin can know the quality of a person's consciousness....
The rooms which were all on one floor, including a nice sun room which unfortunately was packed full with furniture. Then we went into the basement to see the water heater and storage space then out through the side door to see the boat which was docked by the creek and which I thought looked very interesting. This was something we had not known about before and I felt it would be an added interest, especially for the Guv who enjoyed being on or near the water. I went and called Flora to come and take a look around because it is always better to have more than one opinion. She too considered it to be ideal (wishing no doubt that she could take up residence also). We adjourned to Mrs. C's quarters to discuss business details, and she was good enough to provide us with a nice cool drink before leaving. Of course nothing was decided on that visit because I would have to discuss it with the Family on my return to Windsor. I would tell them all about the nice little house, the lovely...
Just as you can hide out from life's problems, you can also use meditation as a convenient way to avoid facing deeper psychological and emotional issues. Particularly if you develop strong concentration, you can focus on your breath or some other object of meditation while actively suppressing unpleasant or unspiritual feelings. I know people who, after many years of meditation in monasteries or ashrams, finally discover that they're literally sitting on a lifetime of unresolved grief, resentment, or pain. If you follow the guidelines provided in Chapter 11 for working with your emotions, you might not have to contend with this particular roadblock.
Then with his eyes filled with tears--taking the horse, his whole soul fixed on the horse--overcome with grief he 2 entered the palace as if his master had been killed by an enemy. 41. 'If he had neighed and so woke up the people, or had even made a noise with his hoofs on the ground, or had made the loudest sound he could with his jaws, my grief would not have been so great.' 50. Having thus heard the history of the prince's departure, so marvelous in many ways, those women, as though losing their grief, were filled with wonder, but they again took up their distress at the thought of his becoming an ascetic. 71. Seeing Yashodhara thus bewildered with her wild utterances of grief and fallen on the ground, all the women cried out with their faces streaming with tears like large lotuses beaten by the rain. 74. Then the king, distracted by his grief for his son, being held up for a moment by his attendants all of the same race, gazed on the horse with his eyes filled with tears, and...
The effect of denial on the family members who are left behind once death has occurred is equally negative. The shock of parting is greater and the grief at the loss is harder to cope with when 'ignore-ance' has been chosen as the method of handling this particular difficult situation. Ignore-ance is a very negative thing and brings more trouble than comfort when it is used as a way of handling life's troubles.
The use of hypnotherapy as an adjunct to supportive counselling is often very effective in helping children and families with the common experience of separation anxiety. These include sadness and other symptoms associated with moving away from old friends, re-entering school after a long recess holiday, or helping children with the natural but difficult process of grief and bereavement following the death of a grandparent, other relative or friend, or pet. The use of positive imagery of happy memories, re-experienced by way of age regression, may provide a respite from feelings of loneliness, as well as a bridge to learning about and accepting death (Kohen & Olness, 1996).
Bereavement is an intense grief response after a major loss (e.g. death of parent) and is usually a normal reaction involving mood and sleep or appetite changes. When bereavement symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness or suicidal ideation, major depressive disorder can be diagnosed. (p.153)
Dealing With Sorrow
Within this audio series and guide Dealing With Sorrow you will be learning all about Hypnotherapy For Overcoming Grief, Failure And Sadness Quickly.