Save Your Marriage
Family therapy is an area of human psychology which has already incorporated to some extent a systems way of thinking. The background to this is presented for the sake of its similarities to our systematic approach to Hypnotherapy Some examples are used to illustrate the fact that the approach and notation developed in earlier chapters continue to be precisely as valuable when the primary system is a family and not an individual. The general point is made that the practice of a therapist is characterised by the choice of systems he recognises as important. The different fields of family therapy are associated with different assumptions as to the subsystems of importance. The same holds for Hypnotherapists the subsystems they regard as important characterise and at times limit them. IN THIS CHAPTER we will take a little excursion out towards one of the boundaries of our subject, to where it merges with family therapy. There are three main reasons for this. Obviously there will be no...
The Law of Reciprocity, for example, dictates the foundation of long term relationships. The Law of Power determines whether your salesperson will be great or a has been. The Law of Expectancy will increase most salespeople's bottom line by almost 13 .or it will reduce their bottom line as time goes on by the same figure. How they use this law will determine those results.
(d) the existence of repression should not be rejected, but it cannot be accepted without question (e) recovered memories of childhood abuse may or may not be accurate, and independent corroboration is the only way of determining this (f) clinicians' responsibilities to their clients are best met through a cautious approach to the assumptions they make and the techniques they use and (g) clinicians' professional and ethical responsibilities are best met by avoiding an excessive encouragement or discouragement of reports of childhood sexual abuse. In a more concrete way, Knapp & VandeCreek (1996) commented on risk management procedures for psychologists treating individuals who recover memories of childhood abuse. They argued that 'effective treatment included maintaining appropriate boundaries, developing an accurate diagnosis that is based on a collaborative relationship with the patient, using intervention techniques that have been empirically derived or in other ways have received...
The arousing effects of the dream will persist for some time after you wake up. They will add new dimensions of richness and pleasure to your lovemaking, and they will enable you and your partner to discover new avenues of pleasure, and new channels of communication, which will deepen your relationship considerably. which will continue to enrich and deepen your relationship in just the same manner.
When a pattern just seems too powerful to resist, you can act it out in life, as you usually do, but this time with mindfulness. Notice how you feel in your body as you follow the enactment through to completion. For example, you may be bravely trying to resist your desire for a hot fudge sundae but rapidly losing your willpower. Instead, you may go for it while noticing every bite and every sensation, both during and after. In fact, you can even try eating as much as you want. I guarantee that you'll transform your relationship to hot fudge sundaes in the process. (For more on mindfulness in everyday life, see Chapter 15.)
Did you ever finish a meal and wonder what happened to the food You can remember enjoying it at first, and then suddenly you notice that your plate is empty, and you can't recall a single bite in between. Perhaps you spent the time talking with a friend or reading a newspaper or worrying about your bank account or your relationship.
Many people feel that their appointment books run their lives and leave them no room for connecting with themselves or the people they love. But you don't have to let your clock control you. You may not be able to free up your schedule, but you can definitely free up your relationship to time.
How will this process then affect your relationship with the other person If it is someone from the past, it may just mean that you have reached a greater harmony regarding that person and whatever he or she represents to you. Alternatively, you may find that you wish to be in touch with that person again in some way. If so, the outer action and the inner action support each other. Your attempt to reach out to the other is also an acceptance of that part of yourself with which you are in conflict, and your acceptance of that part of yourself also may enable a new kind of relationship.
It is certainly arguable that building rapport in a true and meaningful way is the most critical aspect of influence and building long-term relationships. Additionally, we have to fit the filters of those we communicate with by preparing ahead of time for our meetings that will determine our destiny with that person, audience or business.
As a final subject which parallels our own we may consider an example which is a little closer to home family therapy. Here the basic system is the family, consisting of parents and children together with the more or less strong influences of grandparents or other related individuals. Here again we are looking at a dynamic system with recognisable subsystems the individuals involved. There will be some specified problem which is often presented as a problem with a child. But in family therapy it is normally supposed today that the problem is far more likely to be a consequence of the dynamics of the family as a The Family Therapist, in the process of handling each situation, will often be using principles which are formally identical to some used by Hypnotherapists. She may, for example, send everyone else out of the room while talking to one individual, which is equivalent to the Hypnotherapist rendering inactive or quiescent all subsystems but one in the individual. For the other...
Energy Enhancement uses higher Techniques of Samyama only given in the past by word of mouth from Guru to Disciple. Because these techniques are very powerful indeed, they are effective. They work in a very safe way to correct your energy system. To make you secure and inwardly and outwardly wealthy. To make all your relationships into happy relationships. To give you the power and strength to do this. MASTERY OF HIGH TANTRA, THE PSYCHIC SEXUAL CONNECTION, HEAL BEREAVEMENT, CLEAN THE TIES WHICH BIND, THE HIGHEST HEART, THE MASTERY OF ADDICTIONS - DRUGS, ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, SEX, FOOD, POWER, MONEY, THE SOUL CONNECTION, RELATIONSHIPS - THE KARMA CLEANING PROCESS WITH ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, FRIENDS, FAMILY, MOTHER AND FATHER, REMOVE BLOCKAGES FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY, HEAL THE WORLD. BECOME A MASTER, A MERLIN, A JEDI KNIGHT.
Finally, I wish to emphasize that hypnosis is often most effective when it is combined with other (nonhypnotic) interventions. Hypnosis is like any other medical or psychological technique or modality it is not uniformly effective with all problems or all patients. Thus it is vitally important that we do not identify ourselves as hypnotists, but rather as psychologists, physicians, dentists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, nurse anesthetists, etc., who use hypnosis as one mode of intervention along with our other clinical tools.
First, hypnotherapists may experience the temptation to overemphasize an individual focus for treatment, neglecting important relationship factors that may be involved. Individual psychotherapy has been known for many years to have the potential to evoke pathological reactions in the untreated spouse (Kohl, 1962), and deterioration in the marital relationship appears to be a greater risk in individual marital therapy (Gurman & Kniskern, 1978a, 1978b). We find in sex therapy that, unless individually focused hypnosis is used in a context that involves the partner in assessment and in at least part of the treatment, there is a risk that some patients may feel singled out as the identified patient, and relationship factors may be neglected. It is recommended, therefore, that the partner be included from the beginning in assessment. When I do individual hypnotic work, the mate is typically involved in behavioral assignments afterwards. If the individual work requires more than three or...
Must possess at least some motivation for change. We should point out, once again, that mere knowledge of hypnosis does not qualify one as a child therapist. This is a subspecialty area requiring training in more than hypnosis alone. If you are not trained to treat a pediatric problem with techniques other than hypnosis, you should not be treating the patient with hypnosis. There are certainly times (e.g., enuresis) when thorough medical evaluation is indicated prior to using hypnosis. Other absolute contraindications (Olness & Gardner, 1988) for child hypnotherapy include (1) when it would lead to physical endangerment of the patient (e.g., in athletics) (2) when the use of hypnosis might aggravate existing psychological problems or create additional ones (e.g., creating amnesia for a girlfriend who has rejected an adolescent.) (3) when it is for fun (stage or entertainment hypnosis) (4) when a problem may be more effectively treated by a nonhypnotic method (e.g., family therapy) and...
For instance, I was working with a woman for both obesity and marital problems. She had a noxious habit of interrupting rather than listening during interactions. Therefore, the following suggestions were given (and recorded on cassette tape for use in self-hypnosis). Notice where commas indicate very brief pauses. It will be interesting for you to learn to listen, to your body. And as you listen, to your body, you can notice how you feel satisfied. And rather than interrupting, the natural balance of things, you can listen respectfully to feelings, and sensations of your body, noticing how soon you feel comfortably full and contented. Two problems were being addressed at once.
Your various conscious, overt attempts to temper your boss' impolite and toxic treatment (such as standing up for your self and feeding back your responses to him (or her) in the same style and tone of voice he uses) have gotten you nowhere. In fact, such attempts at pointing out or correcting his nasty behavior have stirred the waters even further, and made you even more concerned about your relationship with your boss.
Now, do make it personal to you and please do not place in a particular person. I mean just putting in Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or the world famous, devilishly handsome Adam Eason into the ball and expecting them to come knocking on your door is unlikely to yield that result especially if that person is in a happy relationship already. You are allowing the universe to connect you with someone who is right for you and you are going to have to be right for them you know where I am coming from here, don't you
In the final section of the chapter you will find a variety of suggestions focused on relationships with spouses, families, and others. Although we cannot directly control the reactions of another person, hypnosis may be an aid in fostering healthier interactions with others and healthier perceptions of relationships. Hypnosis may also serve a number of functions in couples therapy. For example, it may be used to work through resistance and overcome stalemates in therapy. Hypnosis may assist in resolving problematic emotions, such as anger and resentment. Hypnotic exploration can uncover the hidden goals and unconscious expectations behind interaction patterns, as well as promote insight into parataxic distortions rooted in experiences with the family of origin. Certainly, hypnosis may also be used in the service of individual treatment needs with one partner from a marriage, for example, in resolving past trauma or learning self-hypnosis to cope with premenstrual syndrome.
Maybe you are not happy with your relationship. Perhaps you don't like your current state of your health, you might smoke or drink too much. It is possible you find it hard to make ends meet and need to earn more money. Perhaps you wish to retire in a few years time. There are so many areas to think of and only you can make these observations and decide what is really important to you.
If you find yourself or your lover taking on the role of the hypnotist to a greater degree in your relationship, that is actually a good thing Now, can you understand how your relationship with your lover will get better and better as you use these techniques Chapter 7 is my favorite. Not only is it the last chapter in this book but it is the best. You and your lover will be given a template of an induction that you can change every single night of your lives. This template will keep your relationship productive and fresh at the same time.
Step Three Give yourself some praise. Go on, go ahead and praise yourself. Pat yourself on the back This is nourishing, it is nurturing your relationship with yourself and rewarding and leads to you building your sense of self. Have some laughs as you do it, I know I find it hard to keep a straight face when I am doing this.
Relationships should not be competitions over energy. This is one of the major reasons why so many relationships continue to break up in this modern society. The divorce rate can only rise as more and more people get upset at the competitive dramas of their partners and themselves. Energy Enhancement gives the vision of a new way of being in relationships. It shows how to connect in a way which is not competitive.
Inside a marriage a man and a woman may-experience personal troubles, but when the divorce rate dur- Careful evaluation shows that you cannot naively blame the divorce rate on the selfishness of individuals, or the rising rate of teenage pregnancy on a lack of self-discipline. And you can't explain the drug epidemic of the late 1980s by saying that drug users have addictive personalities or lack willpower. The crucial question in all such instances is. What is going on in the larger society that explains these things But how does this relate to self-hypnosis you might ask. As 1 have stressed, effective problem resolution and effective action, generally, depends on an accurate evaluation of the situation.
Jessica (not her real name) was a 16-year-old high school student who was suffering from depression associated with bulimia nervosa. She lived in a dysfunctional family with a cold, rigid, withdrawn, and depressed father and an overinvolved, controlling mother. Jessica's mother saw her daughter as a narcissistic extension of herself and had very poor boundaries in her relationship with Jessica. Jessica had previously been in treatment with several counselors and one psychiatrist. A variety of treatments had been used, such as various antidepressant medications, cognitive behavior therapy, family therapy, interpersonal therapy, and psychodynamic therapy. However, Jessica continued to remain depressed, and her feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and futurelessness persisted and dominated her clinical presentation. When asked to describe how she sees her future, she answered, What future Life sucks this is hell, there is no future. I asked her if she would be willing to learn how to...
Yapko, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist residing in Fallbrook, California. He is internationally recognized for his work in depression and outcome-focused psychotherapy, and routinely teaches to professional audiences all over the world. To date, he has been invited to present his ideas and methods to colleagues in 27 countries across 6 continents, and all over the United States. Dr. Yapko is a member of the American Psychological Association, a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, a past fellow of the Royal Society of Medicine's Division of Hypnosis and Psychosomatic Medicine (in England), a member of the International Society of Hypnosis, and a fellow of the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis. He is a recipient of the Milton H. Erickson Award of Scientific Excellence for Writing in Hypnosis, the Arthur Shapiro Award for the best book of the year on hypnosis from the Society for Clinical and...
Similarly, stealing motivated by the afflictions of attachment and greed can lead to rebirth as a hungry ghost, where we are completely deprived of the things we want and even denied such essentials as food and shelter. And even if stealing does not result in rebirth as a hungry ghost, it will result in poverty, dependence on others for our livelihood, and so forth. Sexual misconduct, for its part, will result in marital problems.
Family therapy is an area of human psychology which has already incorporated to some extent a systems way of thinking. The background to this is presented for the sake of its similarities to our systematic approach to Hypnotherapy. Some examples are used to illustrate the fact that the approach and notation developed in earlier chapters continue to be precisely as valuable when the primary system is a family and not an individual. The general point is made that the practice of a therapist is characterised by the choice of systems he recognises as important. The different fields of family therapy are associated with different assumptions as to the subsystems of importance. The same holds for Hypnotherapists the subsystems they regard as important characterise and at times limit them.
When you start to see your worries in this manner, you are having an experience of impermanence One worry simply follows another, and each one can grip us completely, regardless of its true importance. But after the wave of worry has passed, where is it This insight begins to change how you relate to these waves of worry. They begin to seem less substantial and substantive. When you have this experience, you are already changing your relationship to your worries, and are beginning to transform them.
Close your eyes and remember what it was like as your relationship spiraled into more and more intimacy, as you came closer and closer to one another and began to reveal more and more of your inner selves. I may be asking you to remember the last time you fell in love, although falling into intimacy may not be exactly the same thing for you.
The basic innovation of such approaches was to start to think about processes and the abstract patterns into which they are organised, rather than to focus on static objects. It is equivalent to placing more emphasis on verbs and less on nouns. There is less emphasis on naming and classifying things, and far more on describing how they behave. In the context of family therapy the focus moved from the individual members of the family to the dynamic pattern of interactions between them. Clearly this whole approach is very much in harmony with the philosophy of this book. (Though I only learned of systemic therapy after having formulated the notions of this book as a result of attempting to understand Hypnotherapy.) field. It was co-authored by Jay Haley, who is well known as a student of Milton H. Erickson and now as a giant of family therapy in his own right. Although there have been many developments of this systemic therapy in subsequent years, they have been primarily within this...
In couples therapy, I've seen people desperately try to find the love they need from their partner. Sometimes, the more frustrated they become in meeting this need, the harder and more desperately they try to force it out of their partner. At this point it is much better to step back a little, and simply try to see clearly Who is this person I am trying so hard to please, to get love from What is his true nature Does she have the capacity to love me in the way I want to be loved If you are honest, you may recognize that you are trying to get blood from a stone. This person may not have what you need.
That is. for us to cooperate successfully. I must ascertain what your intentions and motivations are what you mean by your actions. I do this by imagining what I would be thinking and doing if I were in your shoes. Nathan Hurvitz developed a highly successful approach to family therapy centering on the concept that most interpersonal problems result from difficulties in taking the role of the other person, and can be resolved by helping clients develop or regain this skill.
As a family therapist specializing in poor, often minority families. Hurvitz was forced to abandon a lot of the intellectual baggage brought into the field by college-educated, middle-class practitioners. He had to get down to the nuts and bolts of things. Very often he found that interpersonal problems stemmed from the fact that family members had adopted terminal hypotheses about their situation and. consequently. felt trapped and unable to change. By helping them reframe their situation, Hurvitz was often able to start them on the road to change. Key Tactic Three Frame things insh umen tally, not terminally. The example of family therapy suggests the other side of this same business, reframing. That is, focus on a problem situation and redefine its meaning or how it fits into the whole. Very often, you will discover that it has been framed by a terminal hypothesis so that this involves constructing an instrumental definition of the situation.
Eight or nine regional workshops are held yearly in different cities throughout the United States and Canada. This training is available to licensed psychologists, physicians, dentists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, and masters degree level registered nurses with advanced subspecialty training and certification. Medical residents and doctoral students in medicine, dentistry and psychology are also eligible to attend. Students, residents, interns, ASCH members, and full-time faculty members are eligible for discounted registration rates.
History of depression, early onset of a diagnosable anxiety disorder, alcoholism, family and marital discord, substance abuse, early childhood losses, poor coping skills, lack of social support, uncertainty about sexual orientation, and a history of previous depressive episodes (Wolraich, 1996).
For at least the next week focus your CSH practice on improving and renewing your relationships. The following approach is recommended 2. Think about your current relationships and select one relationship that you want to improve or renew (revitalize or make even better). Whichever relationship comes to mind this time is perfectly okay you may surprise yourself by settling on a relationship you would never have consciously chosen. Envision a situation that exemplifies how this relationship is for you right now. Really build it up so you can feel as if you are actually there now. being in the situation, experiencing it in present time. Visualize the relationship, feeling and focusing on the actions *-* reactions, norms, social structure, and other elements discussed in this book. Be alert to projections and let yourself recognize and accept all of your own feelings about the other person and your relationship.
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